


Never The Same

by Space_Cadet_Blues



Series: Autumn [2]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Coping, Loss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 17:23:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18760999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Space_Cadet_Blues/pseuds/Space_Cadet_Blues
Summary: All things have a beginning and an end.Sometimes life isn't fair.





	Never The Same

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Gavin dealing with Sixty's death. 
> 
> Angst heavy with a bittersweet ending.
> 
> Sixty = Sebastian

It's the light filtering in through the curtains that slowly eases Gavin to groggy consciousness. He's been asleep so long that he can't remember the last time he was fully awake.

It's like he's emerged from the murky stagnant depths of a lake, unable to fully draw breath.

His eyes hurt. His head hurts.

When the memories trickle in, his heart hurts.

A teasing smile. Cruel words on the sharp edge of humour.

Then blood. Blue-

No. No he can't think about it, he mustn't.

But he does. All the time.

He drags himself into the shower for the first time in days and stands under the spray, face tilted up, eyes closed, feeling his blood warm.

He imagines Sebastian as he was only last week. Putting his hands on Gavin's wet skin, feeling him, tasting him, making stupid comments to ruin the moment because they could never be honest. But maybe that was another kind of honesty. They were themselves.

Gavin touches his neck, the hollow of his throat, his chest. Would give anything in the entire fucking world for it to be Sebastian's hand applying that warm gentle pressure. He opens his eyes.

He's alone.

The water carries his tears to the drain.

 

\---

 

He goes to the store because he's out of everything. He's pretending he doesn't know the day but he's been counting the seconds since.. Since. It's not a conscious effort. He just, knows. He feels time slipping through his fingers.

Sebastian's hand slipping from his grasp.

He buys bread. That's it. He can't stomach anything else.

On the walk back he hears something. A tiny sound, coming from the alley alongside his apartment block.

He peers into the shadows before turning into the alley, navigating around trash bags and rotten cardboard boxes.

At the end before the alley cuts right leading back to the street, something tiny and shivering wanders cautiously out from behind a trash can.

A kitten. Small enough to fit in the palm of Gavin's hand. It mews at him, somewhat defensive, the hairs on its back standing on end, its body turned sideways in an effort to make it appear bigger.

Gavin snorts.

Brave little thing.

He crouches and holds out his free hand.

Eventually the kitten ventures forward to get his scent, cold little nose twitching, bumping against his finger.

Now much closer, Gavin gets a proper look at the tiny animal. Black and white in colouring, fur damp and matted with mud likely from the earlier downpour he'd walked out into.

The kitten rubs against his hand and Gavin's heart clenches.

He scoops the animal up, feeling it shivering as he cradles it close to his body.

"Let's get you somewhere warm huh?"

The kitten mews seemingly in agreement, its little voice strong, and for the first time in two weeks Gavin smiles.

He gets the little creature clean and gently towel dries her fur. From an awkward glance she does appear to be female.

Gavin sits on the floor wiggling a shoelace, watching the kitten pounce and bat at the string of material, catching and gnawing on it enthusiastically.

Sebastian would have hated her. At first. For his mild dislike of cats he was very much like one in nature.

Proud and independent. Getting close only when he wanted to.

Gavin supposes he was much the same. It suited them. Until it didn't.

The night before... The night before everything changed. He looked as though he wanted to say something. But he didn't. And Gavin didn't push him. Fuck. Why hadn't he pushed? Why hadn't he gotten him to spill every little thought hidden inside that mechanical brain?

He doesn't realise he's crying until a teardrop rolls over his cheek and falls, splashing onto the back of his hand.

The kitten sits in front of him, head cocked. Obviously wondering why Gavin has stopped wiggling the lace.

"Sorry," he mumbles, scrubbing at his eyes, red rimmed and sore. The fact that he has any tears left at all surprises him.

A knock at the door startles him and the kitten bolts for shelter, hiding under the coffee table.

"Shit."

He gets up and heads over to the door.

He raises and lowers his hand a few times before summoning the courage to pull it open.

Gavin's heart lurches in his chest. Suddenly he feels sick. The little he managed to eat threatening to make its way back up.

In the hallway stands a ghost. No, Connor his brain registers. And behind him Niles.

Just as quickly as the nausea recedes it's quickly replaced by anger.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"No one has heard from you in days Gavin," Connor says, brow pinched in concern.

"We were worried," Niles says, his expression remains the same but Connor's expression is mirrored in his eyes.

"Well, I'm doin just fuckin peachy. Now leave me alone."

He goes to shut the door but Connor shoves his foot in the gap.

"Gavin-"

"Go away Connor, you... Your fucking face... I can't," his voice is cracking pathetically, the force with which he pushes the door, weak.

He wants so desperately to be alone, but at the same time he wants something, anything to stop the pain. It's agony. Raw agony unlike anything he's ever felt.

He lets go and Connor eases open the door, pulling him into his arms.

Gavin struggles weakly. He wants to kick and scream and push Connor away but his traitorous hands hold on tight, fingers clutching Connor's sweatshirt. He buries his face in Connor's neck.

The shape of him in Gavin's arms is familiar but horribly different at the same time. He's not Sebastian. Sebastian isn't coming back.

And just like that the flood gates open and he's sobbing, hard and ugly into Connor's skin.

Connor rubs his back comfortingly and simply holds him.

Gavin doesn't have the strength to be embarrassed. He craves the contact. Hasn't spoken to a soul since he was discharged from the hospital. It's not something he wants but God does he need it.

Minutes, hours? Later he's laying on the couch with his head in Connor's lap. His face hurts from crying.

Sebastian would probably call him a crybaby. The thought nearly sets him off again.

Niles sits off to the left in the armchair having made Gavin some cocoa and scooped up the kitten. She sleeps curled up in his lap.

"What's her name?" Connor asks, voice soft.

It seems like an age until Gavin finds his voice. "I don't know... I found her today."

He thinks about it. What would Sebastian name her?

"...Gremlin."

"Hm?"

"That's her name. Gremlin."

 

 

 


End file.
